You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
