I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
