i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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