i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
