I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
