Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
