He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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