i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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