So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
