My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
