how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
