I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
