Soap is not a condiment
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His hands were made for my vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
