My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When did angry sex become our thing?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
