lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
