The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
