My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
