She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
