nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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