i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
