Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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