I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
