there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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