My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
