just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
