im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
