Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
