i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
