if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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