lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
