Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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