Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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