hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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