I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
