At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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