he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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