we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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