apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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