I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
