Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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