we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
