Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
