u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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