i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
