I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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