I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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