just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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