at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
