Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Two words: nipple clamps
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