i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
