Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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