she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
