dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
