some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
