i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
