We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
