Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
