We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
