Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
