He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Enjoy the penises
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
