He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
